come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
