I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
