i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
