Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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