Umm I'm too high to move.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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