I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
