I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
