New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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