Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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