I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize