Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
