Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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