and i looked up. we had an audience...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
