I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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