And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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