Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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