i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Drunk is not a location!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
