I don't usually arrange sex via text message
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
