you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
