I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
