I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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