he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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