You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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