If i come over, it means nothing
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the day after is always just damage control
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
