How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
