Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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