so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize