i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize