we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
