I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
