The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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