I love black thongs
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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