I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
