His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize