You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
