There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
