Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Where did you get a picture of my penis
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
