I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
