Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Are we still banned from the library?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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