I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
