i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
