conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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