omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
