never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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