i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize