No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
