Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you traded sex for a burrito?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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