Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
