I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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