It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
