batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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