I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
