um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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