not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
