I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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