They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
