i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
