My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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