I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
