also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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