Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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