I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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