I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize