so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
