U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
bring money and cleavage
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
