I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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