It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
