i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
A bitchslap is in order.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
