Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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