You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
