woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
