honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
