I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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