I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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