Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
