I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
