yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
