I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Im part way to drunk.
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