We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My cat gives me a boner
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
