Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
