i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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