Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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