I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
