does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
