i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
