Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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