my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
