you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
