Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
