last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
