I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
