i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
